HONESTLY SPEAKING

Malibu Presbyterian Church Homecoming Dance

Well, okay...maybe not a dance but I just couldn't write "Homecoming" and not write "Dance" after it. The High School ASB girl in me couldn't help it.

Yesterday we waited to the down-to-the-wire hour when the city inspectors came through and gave us our certificate of occupancy. At about 2pm it was "go" time to get it all put together for our community open house, which was to begin at 6pm. I had 3 hours to help unpack chairs, set up the nursery, classroom chairs and tables and get home by 5pm to shower and get back through the canyon to greet church members and others who wanted to walk through our new building. Phew! What a sprint! :) 

I know that there is much more to reflect on in the next weeks, and perhaps years, of what this 2 year journey has meant. I have to say that this morning I woke up with a great sense of relief. I hadn't realized how much this season of exile has meant a lot more thinking of logistics and details than life with a church building does.

As our staff gathered yesterday to unwrap and place the sanctuary chairs in their places I felt emotional watching it all go on. It felt significant. It felt like a beginning and a returning.

I looked around and loved the people I've been working with. These friends have been irritated with each other, have loved each other, have struggled through impossible circumstances and found possibilities.

With each chair placed in a row, it all started to feel real.

Here we are again...coming home.

And the good news is that as much as it is a coming home to a physical space, in many ways in these last two years I've found that home isn't anywhere else but within my own body. I have come to learn in a way you only learn through loss that physical spaces don't define us as much as we think they do.

I feel excited though that maybe I can start my Master's Degree now...and come back to enjoying some more things that I didn't have space for in the past. Like I already said, this whole season became normal to me until now I have realized that some of that isn't going to be normal anymore...and I'm pretty grateful for even more freedom in my mind to do the things I love.  

Here is a photo I took with my phone of our new interim sanctuary last night. Our church will meet here until we decide to begin construction on our permanent building. It is likely we'll be in this tent structure for the next several (5ish) years. It's nice to have a space to call home. Someday I'll write an article on organization tips for Children's Directors working in transitional spaces...I think I've found a lot of good solutions over the years that I'm happy to stop using. 

Thanks for your support through this season. It's been fun to share with you all! I'll probably have more time to write here about things like Norah Jones' new album that comes out, things I listen to on NPR, and even places I travel to because...I'll just have a little more time to do these things. Hallelujah.

a little midnight poem

Amber glow

canyon still

and longing

for retreat

quiet stream

turning leaves

a little jazz

•   

freedom

faught for

by coming

home and sitting still

by letting go 

and leaning in

•   

a deep breath

a silent grin

choices now

bring hope within

a retreat

to revive

tender heart 

of mine

•   

O vibrant day

of coming 

back to life

a healing

a growing

a returning

redemption.

relentless, loving

salvation.

Transvestites, Beverly, and a Chai Latte Tuesday Night...

Oh LA, land of the very blatantly broken. I can't imagine that there is one place which is more broken than another...as humanity all finds itself in the same mess...but it certainly seems messier here at times. I think it is the way in which some who live here go about living out their pain, dysfunction and illness that can be so shocking and strange. 

Today I took two newbies out for a tour of LA. We drove the 101 to Studio City, had a burger at The Counter, drove over Barham to Hollywood...took Highland to Hollywood, La Brea to Sunset...passed by the Sunset Strip which dumped us off into Beverly Hills. Once they gasped at the opulence of Rodeo Drive we made our way to a Coffee Bean (a SoCal must try) on Beverly for both a tea latte and a pee break. As I was heading into the restroom an older transvestite looked me up and down and said "mmm girl. Where did you get that smile? I wish God had given me a smile like that." 

I was experiencing a great amount of peace...and have been as I discover more freedom in my life...all by way of Jesus healing me through a great therapy process. My smile has been very present and free in the last few months...more than ever. I think it's a returning to a childhood smile...a freedom lost for decades now returning. 

I said "Oh gosh, you know...God loves me, and he loves you...and that's good enough for me."

My complimentary friend said "Oh He loves you more than me. I'm a bad man and I've done bad things. Karma has been torturing me for years and by the list of things I've done...I have years more of sadness ahead."

I said "well, here's the thing...I know that God forgives you in a way that might even be overwhelming to receive...but it's true."

She/He said "maybe for you...He probably likes you a lot because you've been good. Karma. Karma is the biting me back"

and to this I said "Nope that's actually not true. Jesus is bigger than Karma. Jesus supersedes what we deserve."

And I smiled and headed into the bathroom. 

The man dressed as a woman had short hair, face makeup, mascara and some pink lipstick, a very badly stuffed bra (a 7th grader does a better job) and all black t-shirt covered his aging physique.

He came back and told me that his smile drew him in. I knew that it was the Holy Spirit he was drawn to...the only source of true freedom.  Nothing I could ever offer could meet someone's deep need...it is God at work...and through me...what a privilege to be a moment of an ability to reflect God's deep and beautiful love. 

We talked more and I asked what his name was and he said "my name in disguise is Beverly." Since he was so open with clearly having two identities, I asked him what his "not in disguise" name was. He said "Lawrence, but at 63 years old, I'm tired of being him...Beverly has so much more fun." 

He went on telling us about his get rich quick scheme and wanted to know if I would join him in his venture selling perfume to the wealthy. He also told me that he loved the high that some of the perfumes gave you, and I could see that there were other more dangerous highs that likely Lawrence had become addicted to long ago which landed him on the street dressed as a woman. I began setting some boundaries extracting myself from both the conversation and coffee bean store heading to the car with my two young friends.  

I laughed inside that here I had brought these two sweet newbie to LA girls from North Carolina to try a Chai Latte and they met Beverly. What a perfect LA experience. Pretty typical. 

As we drove away, "Beverly" found his home for the night at a street corner of Beverly and Robertson. It's no coincidence to me that his "disguise name" is Beverly. He waved goodbye with a friendly, loving way about him. 

A few things struck me about this interaction. I felt like I'd seen a real window into the pain of this man's soul...and when people show that to you it's generally a gift. People don't always show the core of themselves to you right away...so you must always treat that with love and respect. I mean, there are certainly people who splay their complaints out to everyone...but the kind of confession that Beverly gave to me wasn't something I think he does very regularly. I believe that these little windows in are begging for love. It's our job to give as much love in those moments as possible. 

I also thought it was interesting that he was so open about his disguise name and his real identity. I have found that generally transvestites, transsexuals, and transgendered people who have gone through the trouble of changing their identity want to very sincerely have you recognize that identity and name and don't want their former gender noted at all...even if it's pretty blatantly obvious.  

We drove away, and I thought about Lawrence. I believe that he has done a lot of bad things. There was something about the way he said it that scared me a little. 

Karma's an interesting theology to hold. Karma denies grace. Karma doesn't account for Jesus on the cross. I certainly think that there are actions connected to reactions. I also believe that you reap what you sow to some extent. However, I don't think that our lives are all based on a good and bad bank account which we experience the result of our negative or positive choices. 

Forgiveness is counter to the principles of Karma. The cross denies this system of it's power of poison and blankets it with grace. 

Because the thing is, I think what I said is true...I think that God loves Lawrence very much...and always has. I believe in a God who's love is so much deeper than my own that I can't fathom a forgiveness that supersedes what we can offer to each other on earth. This is what LOVE is like. 

Kingdom

Living in the Kingdom of God on earth is like being a blind man at a sunrise. He can not see all of it's splendor, color, and radiance...yet he can feel the warmth of it's coming to be and is filled with expectant wonder of what it might look like. The sunrise is no less real or true because he can not see it, so he should go forth knowing that it is daytime outside, even if to him it feels most of the time like night.

Creating words

So today I'm writing in my living room. It's really beautiful. I've had the TV on for the last week while I've been sick. I haven't had the energy to do anything but watch mind numbing Reality TV.  Tonight I'm feeling better so I have some great music on and have been writing.

I'm reflective of when this all began...this love of writing.  I remember getting a rainbow colored pad of paper when I was 5 at Toys R Us. It was small and very cool. I would go to the backyard swing and write out words to songs and poems. "Birds and trees and the sky up above..." I would feel so alive in those moments. 

I still feel the most alive in these moments. I love to write and find the words to say the things that are deep inside of me. It's beautiful to me that it's as if God created me this way from the beginning...with words flowing out of me. 

It was 2nd grade when they had an author's fair. I bought a book by this woman who came to our class and talked about how she wrote it. I remember saying "when I grow up, I want to be an author"

I love returning. I enjoy watching the process that is natural in life where we return to these earliest loves. Be it writing or painting or singing songs on my swing set while looking over the mountains...I find that in my truest self...these are the ways my soul dances and lives.

That's all I'm gonna blog about tonight because I need to keep writing the chapter I'm working on in the book I'm working on. 

Hope you all have a lovely night...and ask yourself...what makes you most alive? What do you need to return to? What did God create you to love doing?

Road Trip Reflection

 

Road trips are to me like day spas are to some women. I need them. I need the road. I love driving up and down California. It’s liberating, free, and beautiful. I have this amazing mix on my iPod which I have titled “My Happy Place” and it contains all of my most favorite songs…it’s a rather mellow mix, but it’s good for these contemplative drives. It’s a little Joni Mitchell, Jose Gonzalez, The Shins, Coldplay, The Beatles, Phish, and about 100 other different artists I’ve come to love. I’m a music junkie…and these drives are like a sacred endulgence of beauty and music and quiet.

            While I was driving down the 101 I got to thinking about life a lot. I was thinking about how wonderful it is to be turning 30 soon. I have to say, I’ve become extremely reflective thinking through all the seasons and people that were a part of bringing me here…to a place that I’m actually finding to be quite beautiful. Life it seems, is as they say: it truly isn’t about a destination…but about the journey. This journey is both difficult and easy, beautiful and ugly, painful and a release, peaceful and chaotic.  So it seems to me, that I’m learning the goal is to be content in all circumstances. I’ve read about this in the bible, I’ve heard it said from friends and mentors…but I guess it’s now that I’m really getting it. I’m finding that there’s nothing in the world you can do to have your life be only filled with one or the other…I suppose you can be like many who major in either side of life…but to live authentically is to live fully in the midst of both and to be present to the moments…because these are “life”.

            I was also thinking about all the people I know who want to change the world, and I think it sounds quite exhausting when I think about it. The world right now is a pretty big mess.  When I think of all the problems and then I think about the passion that I have and sometimes to try to do something about it,  it tires me out. I was thinking about how much easier it is to live if we are submitted to God’s Spirit who can animate us to serve and change the world through the gifts we have…but that it’s not all up to us. It is also nice to know that whatever parts of the world we’re unable to help God change…He will redeem in the end. That is a relief to me.

            One of the “gifts” God has given me is to feel a deep empathy for those around me. I put the word gift in quotations because sometimes it’s an overwhelming gift…like all gifts…that makes my life less easy, but more full, to live. This is also probably why I feel so overwhelmed when I think of all the pain in the world. For example, today I got off of the 101 to buy a sandwich for dinner. When I got back onto the freeway there were ambulances, fire trucks and highway patrolmen cluttering the road with bright lights and panic. I felt like it was me living through these moments. I felt the lights swirling around me, I thought without really trying to about what it was like to be in that mashed up car waiting for rescue. I felt sad and scared inside, as if they were my own emotions. I also felt a great sense of love towards the rescuers who were rushing to the scene to help.

These feelings can be too overwhelming if I live them all the time as my own, so I did what I’ve learned to do and “prayed it out”. I prayed over the situation and let the Spirit pray through me to bring peace to the chaos. See? It’s Him, not me…just us together…not me alone in this chaos. This is a better way to live.

            I thought about how great it is that Jesus has rescued me about a thousand times. He’s so relentless in His pursuit of my heart…of my freedom…of true redemption. You know, it sounds really churchy to say, but I am truly experiencing a redemption that I guess is this process of “sactification” that the bible talks about…and theologians debate and write about.

            I used to think that “sanctification” meant that I would sin less and less as I got older and more “Christian”. I’ve found that it isn’t this way really. It’s a redemption and a returning…it’s Jesus giving me more and more and more freedom…and so I just more fully live life and am in tune with His beautiful way of living in this world. I wish I could say that I’ve noticed in myself “less” sin but I have to say that it’s in this process that I’m more aware of how deep it goes…how deep and messy things are with this “sin problem”.  If sin is living apart from God, then I do this more than I thought. Maybe my living with Him more I’ll do better, but I’m less focused on making sure I “sin less” and more focused on living fully and letting Jesus transform me to ooze out love and grace from everything I do.  I still have a very very very long way to go. I have a feeling if I ever felt like I’d “stopped sinning” and was “sanctified” or at least “mostly sanctified” that I’d loose my grasp on grace and love all together.  At least on this earth, my understanding of who I am is intertwined and mingled into my acceptance and overwhelming gratitude for my Savior.

And so I write all of this to you sitting in an old favorite coffee shop in Santa Barbara. I'm getting tired, and out of my 6 hour drive, I have one more hour left...and then I get to curl up in my own bed and sleep. I'll sleep with gratitude for this beautiful weekend adventure that I've found to be so seriously refreshing.  

living while driving

sometimes you need to drive. 

and sometimes you want to call 

people 

on your phone while driving

but this distracts

from what is supposed to be happening.

in the quiet.

or to the music.

the pondering, the coming home, the praying, the wrestling, the crying out...

There.

With 257 miles to go...

I wonder

Will I get there?

should I have flown?

And no.

No.

I needed the drive. 

I needed the quiet.

And the voicemail picks up

Like a closed door.

God asking me to be still 

with Him.

All the favorite places

Coming back to life.

All the wondering things

Find some rest....

and some tears...

and some in between.

Passion lost.

Passion found.

Wondering...

 why?, 

how?, 

should I?

10 topics...

all married together 

in their way of swirling through

and leaving me

with the road

and a sunset

and as the temperature went from 104 to 82....

so did my soul find it's rest.

Abundant Life and Working Out

body. mind. spirit.

connected.

this is a true thing...and for so many of us we live all disconnected one from the other...or so we think. 

I've been working out and eating good food lately. Partly to get in better shape, and partly because it's just the next step on this quest towards living the fullness of life in a healthy way. There are many reasons, of which I won't get into here because they are too personal, but I have had these walls I've put around myself to "protect" me...and it seems as I dig deep into my soul, I am learning that I don't need to do or not do certain things anymore because they aren't actually protecting me anyway...and only harming me and holding me back from living full life. 

A few weeks after I moved to Calabasas I joined the Agoura/Calabasas Community Center. It's lovely...clean, good classes, uncrowded and unpretentious. I like it there a lot.  I've been infrequent in my attendance (as I'm sure you can relate) but as I've come home from vacation I'm making this a part of my life. I like it. I have a different perspective on it all than I used to. I used to see the gym, eating healthy, etc as something that someone was imposing on me...a punishment of sorts. I'm choosing to do this for me now...and it makes it kind of fun. The thing I guess that's shifted is that I believe I'm worth taking care of...instead of just taking care of everyone else.

I thought today of how grateful I am to have the means to afford a nice gym membership and to have the time to go in the morning. I know so many of the working poor have no time or resources to do these things. I pray for them, and also offer thanksgiving that I am able to work out. 

I think also of the times when my body has been wounded or unable to work out. I'm grateful that I have healed in some of these ways and my body moves well on the elliptical machine. 

I have a new friend named Lydia who is my coach...encourager...in all of this. She trains people for triathlons...which someday I hope to do. Our friendship has been formed through Malibu Pres but actually through a few honest heartfelt conversations this summer over Facebook. She is walking her road...which I am happy walk alongside her on...and she is encouraging me in this part of my journey. 

I've been digging into the darker places of my soul in the last year with a lovely woman named Sandra who is a therapist. I'm finding freedom, restoration, beauty...and this whole new season of health in all aspects is beautiful. 

I said I'd be "thin by thirty" last year when I turned 29. I thought of how I might sign up for a boot camp or weight watchers all year...it sounded like torture. What I've found is that coming home...coming to peace inside with some things that were toiling is making it all just be natural and lovely...like stepping more into the light. 

Sandra has said to focus on abundant living, not on outcomes. I have been trying to also be more on time to things and she said "Kristie, this will just be another outcome...but don't focus on it." 

It seems she is right. Abundant living starts at the center of our soul...and if that is hurting...then the rest are just symptoms. Jesus keeps insisting that we come to Him...and in this journey it has been He that is guiding me to allow Him to redeem me in deeper ways...pressing into his love and letting go of fear and pain and sadness I never thought would go away...I'd settled that it was part of my "human condition". 

May your journey too be filled with more light and love that comes from the God of the universe whose name is also Jesus. 

So uncool...and trying to live authentically.

Do you ever wonder how annoying we'll find our selves in a few years?

twitter this

blog that

status update blah blah blah

I drive a Hybrid car. I didn't mean to be trendy. I really wanted to save the earth...but look at me...I drive and SUV that really only gets 22 miles to the gallon. If i really truly cared about the earth I should've gotten a civic. Or what was really so wrong with my Jetta anyways? I wanted an SUV...and it was the only way I could do it and not feel bad. I like my car though...it's stylish and fun...and my Jetta did have a lot of miles on it.  The thing is people are really proud of me for having a Hybrid...and I'm just not. It's just extra money on an already large payment. Oh well...and someone out there is driving my Jetta around probably thinking it's just great.

The other day I called someone narcissistic for having 4 blogs. I think I might be right, but then again...what do I know...tweet tweet...blog blog...unless I'm in someone's head and heart...they should be left well alone with out my condescending judgments. 

I'm cynical tonight about myself and about others. I think it's probably a good idea to live with a healthy dose of cynicism about myself. I don't want to think I'm soooo cool that I have it all together. That's just annoying. 

I saw a "tweet" from a christian author who is trendy and he was talking about the guy who directed the Breakfast Club dying. I felt like it was so cliche. When I heard that he died, I thought "oh here we go...a bunch of silly people are going to claim the knew all about this guy because they watched the breakfast club 20 times in Jr. High at a sleepover...they probably...like me...didn't know his name before this point."

I can just see it. "Blah blah blah...he was so brilliant....such a shame...blah blah blah (insert newly learned trivia found on wikipedia moments ago)...blah blah blah"  I mean, likely he was brilliant, and likely he should be remembered for his great works...but all the trendy tweeters going on and on about it....please spare me. 

in related annoying things I've noticed myself doing...I will tell you a story:

The other day I was driving in the car with a few people. One of those people happens to be a man who I am interested in dating and who there are sparks and fun interest...you get the picture. Anyway, I don't know him very well yet...and I was feeling insecure that he might think my life is too together and that I have too much and he might run away before he gets to know me...assuming I'm an entitled, high maintenance rich girl. I was worried about all of this and so it came out in this weird way where I was just trying to be really funny and cleaver and make sure that he liked me a lot...or that I'd entice him with humor and coolness so he would stick around and get to know my heart. Yup. Lame, right? Human though I think. Oh well. 

While we were driving I made an assumption that maybe he'd think I was boring that I like to listen to mellow indie rock music. It's totally my favorite...that and classic mellow stuff like Joni Mitchell, James Taylor, and the Beatles. I like my Rock and Roll...and even have it on my iPod...but for whatever reason it wasn't playing on regular rotation. I am also quite prone to listening to "The Message" on my XM radio. I like the worship music as I drive...it's so good. (this music I also decided he would think was boring and corny) Soooo I searched for the top 20 station on XM furiously as I drove...and couldn't find it...so I just shut the radio off. I was acting so strange and unlike me. I was annoyed by the way I was acting which as you can imagine, only made things worse. 

And I think of it now...and I think it's really pretty dumb. Why couldn't I just relax? My fears were overwhelming me and I thought that if I could control the way he viewed me for now...like I said...he might stick around and give me time to reveal my true self to him. I hope he does...we'll see. (I hate living in the "we'll see" place but I think God much likes how close it makes me come to Him)

I have been thinking about all of these things...these cool things we do to try to "appear cool". 

SOme people say it's a thing of youth to care what others think, and if that were true, then all the older people I know getting plastic surgery and fancy cars and hanging out at strange bars wouldn't be real. I find that living authentically and truly to who you are is a journey...one that takes courage and strength. I am not impressed with myself...but I sure hope that others might be from time to time. I cover my insecurities with music I don't really like and funny jokes that I wouldn't normally tell. We're so messy.

My prayer today to the Lord was that He would continue to help me to live more authentically to who I am. I don't want to be a fake in any place in my life. I know that this requires a great amount of acceptance and love of self...and of letting go and receiving grace for who that person actually is.  I've found that in Malibu, the place most people deem "fake" I have become the most authentic version of myself I have ever seen. I feel so at home with the friends I have made, and that there are so many looking for someone to be real...that by my seeking this slice of life...I am finding so many others on this road too. 

Maybe this is all too self-revealing...or rambly and disconnected. I'll only know when I re-read it and make sure it's worth posting...but I was driving through the canyon on my way home today...listening to some dance music with a great beat (which I really enjoy) and thinking about how my search for a top 20 station the other day was kind of pathetic and sad. 

And I'll be honest...I watched the Breakfast Club a lot as a kid...it was funny...but I never knew the director's name.  

I'm bad at paying my "optional" bills on time, but trying to improve. Since I've moved...I'm doing a lot better. Bills like my mortgage and car payment...I'm always early on. 

I hate mayo and always will...and i don't like coffee or beer. I've tried folks, the taste has never been acquired.

 I would be much cooler of an Angeleno if I liked Sushi but it always gives me a wretched stomach ache.  

I've never liked dive bars or Las Vegas...they remind me of really terrible family members of mine who had vacant looks in their eyes and liquor on their breath...and hugs that always made you feel sad inside.  I take that back, I can hang in Vegas for a day or two if I don't think about it too much...but I'd really rather go to Yosemite or beach camping.

I don't like soap operas or reality tv shows...I get bored. 

I want a tattoo but I'm too noncommittal right now. 

There you go. I confessed to some really uncool things...and I'm totally ok with it. 

I think Jesus would be super annoyed with how much we focus on being "cool". We've built quite an alter around it all...and I'm just saying...let's think about it just a little...

A little catching up on life...

I'm finally home. 

After almost a full month (July) out of town, I'm resting in my own bed and really liking it. I do miss the places I've been...but they have left me with a renewed sense of self and a fresh perspective as I look out at my life and what is ahead (known and unknown). 

There have been several observations I've noted in the last weeks and thought "oh i just have to blog about this" but I haven't...for whatever reason I haven't done much writing other than on a book project that's just sort of pouring out of my heart lately. I think it's likely that it's been eating up all of my "writing juice". :) 

I spent last week up at Forest Home Adventure Mountain with 18 of my Malibu kiddos...they were sooo good and so darn cute. I had such a fun time bonding and laughing with them. When I look at Adventure Mt. I don't feel stressed out by the week...I feel excited. It's sort of like a preteen utopia. They sleep in these amazing cabana tents which have beautiful decks in the front of them, and they get to eat together in a dining canopy and play games, go to the lake, swim in the creek, skateboard, swim, create art, cook, use bow and arrows, sing songs, and hang out all week with some amazing young adults who pour into their lives. I felt like my soul kind of danced all week enjoying the moments as I observed and lived them. 

One of my favorite observations came Friday as I went into the boys tent and said to Jonah (9 yrs old, name is changed for privacy) "Wow, Jonah, good for you, you're all packed." He looked at me and said "oh, I actually just haven't really opened my bag much. I have just warn these clothes all week."

Classic.

I then related this story to LJ and Micah (our counselors for Malibu Pres) and Micah told me that our identical twins boy campers were instructed to change their clothes...because they too had been wearing the SAME clothes for 4 days in a row. 

What did they do? 

They traded shirts.

I love it. It just makes me giggle. 

So, I guess you know when camp is coming to a close when you sit by the boys during worship time and it smells like you are sitting with a bunch of homeless people who don't have regular access to clean clothes and showers. 

Even with the stench of dirty clothes and squirmy kids, I love the outdoor amphitheater that they meet in each night. I sat there in that place and felt such a sweetness of the Lord's presence. I looked up at the trees, the same ones I had looked up at as a 9 year old pondering the universe. I felt small and childlike sitting there. I felt blessed to have this journey with my creator that I could come back to these physical places where something very deep and mystical had taken place in my heart. These places where I came to understand the love of Jesus a little more. I praise God for these beautiful spaces in my life.

I came home and after having some house guests from Forest Home, went to church. I was excited to see my sweet friend Quinn start to walk and also blurt out "bottle" showing me his bottle. I love him to pieces and just stand in awe of the miracle God has done in healing this wonderful child, now almost 2 years old. I love his toothy smile and the way our eyes connect. 

I walked into my church, after being gone from them for a while and I was overwhelmed with love. I just felt so loved and loved them so much...it was a homecoming for my heart. I'm excited to get to return and start the process of preparing for the fall. 

After church I went with some friends (Julie and Greg, who are recently engaged and I'm their maid of honor) to the beach to eat lunch. I changed into a sundress and dug my feet into the sand. I felt so alive and grateful to get to be on the beach and be carefree. The water was turquoise...almost Hawaii blue...and I could've sat there till sundown. 

It happened to be Greg's birthday, so we headed to the Malibu Lumber Yard (which does not sell lumber) and bought 2 cupcakes and split them. We got talking to Carlos the resident security guard and struck up a friendship hearing every detail of he architecture of this place. He was lovely and we had fun talking with him. I ran into my new friend Laura who is a well known author, and we also ran into another man who is vacationing in Malibu before he starts his year long sabbatical. The breeze, the sunshine, the people, malibu...I just drank it all in and felt completely alive. 

I took a short nap when I got home and then got ready to go to my friend's wine & beer bar/grill "The Office" 

for live jazz and time with Susan. We sat and talked and tasted wines that their distributor was pouring that night. It was really fun and refreshing to sit with Susan who has been my best friend through so many years. We were 12 when we met and have lived a lot of life together including being roommates in our early 20s. She's now pregnant with their second child, and I just love being with her whenever we can. 

After she left to relieve a babysitter  and I stayed to hear some music and because I had just consumed a full glass of wine and thought better of hopping into the car just because she had to leave quickly. :) John, her husband, and the owner was still there so we hung out for a while. 

He introduced me to a guy he's friends with and I sat at the bar as he shared his painful story of divorce, chronic injury, having his kids live across the country, and the woman he lived with now. THere was so much pain in his eyes...so much guilt...he said he knew Jesus and prayed to him throughout every day. I believed him. I think he talks to Jesus all the time...I think it's likely the only person that this man feels is even listening to him...but I don't think that he's aware of how much Jesus loves Him...if he was...his eyes and life would look a lot differently. I tried to gently speak into that pain and hurt...and tell him what I thought of how Jesus would want him to let go...to forgive...to move forward into better life. I thought if for a moment I can bring some of this light I'm living in to this man...hopefully it will bring him some hope and a window of the great love God has for him that he is unaware of. 

I drove home. Spent the day here in my house doing errands, washing clothes and sheets and catching up with friends.

I'm excited to return to work today. Excited for the season ahead of moving into our temporary church buildings and my new office which will have a window!!! 

I hope you have a beautiful day and that you live in the light...knowing that the creator of the universe loves you so much that He came to earth as Jesus to tell you this truth...and to redeem you each day and for every day.