HONESTLY SPEAKING

I found this quote and love it. I think I'll have to create some art with it...I feel like someone wrote the deeply beautiful words for what I experience. I love quotes where you finish reading them saying "yes, yes, me too. I agree."



"He speaks in our language and shows us his secret beauty on our scale. We have got to begin not by an arrogant other-worldliness, but by a humble recognition that human things can be holy, very full of God, and that high-minded speculations about his nature need not be holy at all; that all life is engulfed in him and he can reach out to us anywhere at any level." -Evelyn Underhill

Some Christmas thoughts...

There was a sadness in the parking lot as I left work today. Dressed in black, they came carrying beautiful flowers and wearing large sunglasses. I knew the feeling they were all walking around with because I too have walked these roads. Funerals. Holiday Funerals, even more startling. 

This funeral was happening because of a super tragic thing happened in a Malibu neighborhood last week to what I hear was a very kind man. Another friend didn't see him bending to pick up his dog in the street, and he was killed by her car. I hate these stories. I think they're awful. I think it's extra awful at Christmastime. My heart grieves for all who are sad because of this loss and this shocking tragedy. 

Having lived through a few sorrowful Christmas seasons, I understand though that christmas isn't about an artificial happiness. The Christmas spirit is really is living with the Holy Spirit. The depth of beauty of what happened for us in Bethlehem is the very thing that makes these startling and heart-breaking stories end not in chaos, but in beauty. It's a difficult thing to say since we aren't yet always experiencing the redemptive part of such painful loss,  but it is something I hope we will all come to understand.

It's these sadnesses that remind me of why we need Jesus so much. We need a redeemer to this often sad and tragic world. We can generally be so insulated from a widespread understanding of our need. I am aware that I am rich, and that because of the drinking water that is purified about 6 times before I drink it, that I don't at all understand the plight of so many who are dying of thirst tonight. These are our brothers and sisters. These people know why we need a Savior. I try to keep a global perspective in mind as I whine about not having some extravagant luxury. 

I sat by a poor family tonight in the mall food court. I could tell they were poor by the way they dressed and shared one meal between the 4 of them. I don't need to describe them more, you're just going to have to take my word for it. I wondered at what they felt obligated to buy at the mall tonight. Would all of their extra money go towards buying trinkets for others who may or may not realize the hard work that went into trying to scrape together a few bucks to buy a little something?  I know that the data is clear that the poor are charging up credit cards they will never earn enough to pay off. The kind of stress that this causes a family and marriages makes me so sad. 

I suppose like many before me, I could blame the individual for poor discernment and flippant spending. I am less prone to this kind of judgement, and more prone to a cultural judgement. What are we doing? What have we created? What I see is a vast and wide spiritual sickness that has given birth to an ugly virus of materialism. The envy we feel towards each other, sinful. I admit fully to my participation in our cultural brokenness. I ask your forgiveness...and am grateful for the grace of Jesus' birth, life and death for all the ways I'll never measure up to a perfect and unaffected part of this mess. 

The thing is, for all that bothers me about our economy, so much of it is built around a dependance on this spending at christmas time. I don't know how we come clean of this...I'm not sure we ever will. I just know that we need Jesus. We need a redeemer to enter into our mess, and love us anyway.

a decorated living room and a humble baby king

 

I spent the morning trying to decorate my house...a creative christmas venture.  I found it a little overwhelming taking all my decor out and realizing that I know exactly where it should all go in my former home, but in this new house, it was a whole new space. You would think it's a lot of fun, but it felt a little like moving where you try your couch one place, the couch you love a lot, and it just doesn't seem right. These little holiday treasures have become so special to me...and for some of the things there just isn't the right place for them...yet. :) 

I took a moment in my perceived "stress" to pull out my advent devotional and read. I read a portion by theologian J.B. Phillips which is underlined from years before. I like coming upon something I've read and already loved enough to underline it. This essay is titled "The Dangers of Advent". Today I liked this portion: 

"By far the most important and significant event in the whole course of human history will be celebrated, with or without understanding, at the end of the season, Advent. The towering miracle of God's visit to this planet on which we live will be glossed over, brushed asside or rendered impotent by over-familiarity. Even by the believer the full weight of the event is not always appreciated."

I am always seeking to be in a state of awe that God has in fact visited this earth, and that at the end of the day, that is the most important thing to know when we grapple with who has created us and what God is like. This piercing reality is the kind of thing that changes everything. I think of the greeks who bowed to statues and mythological gods who were narcissistic, moody, and to be pleased. 

Here, God breaks through our uncertainty and shows us what He is like...he is kind, loving, gracious, merciful, humble, serving...God is love. 

This stunning reality, made known in Bethlehem continues to bring me to tears. As I read Phillips' words further on in this essay, I began to cry. I began to cry because I know this loving Jesus, he is my savior and dear friend. He walks with me and loves me and redeems me...and the closer I come to Him, the more in awe I am of the paradox of a God who knows every hair on my head and yet also makes the sun rise and set and holds the plants in place and even calls them into existence. 

You see, Jesus is here by his magnificent, powerful, logic-defying Spirit which interacts in my everyday life...every day. 

This portion causes me to ache with love inside: 

"What we are in fact celebrating is the awe-inspiring humility of God, and no amount of familiarity with the trappings of Christmas should ever blind us to its quiet but explosive significance. For Christians believe that so great is God's love and concern for humanity that he himself became a man. Amid the sparkle and color and music of the day's celebration we do well to remember that God's insertion of himself into human history was achieved with an almost frightening quietness and humility. There was no advertisement, no publicity, no special privilege; in fact the entry of God into his own world was almost heartbreakingly humble. In sober fact there is little romance or beauty in the thought of a young woman looking desperately for a place where she could give birth to her first baby. I do not think for a moment that Mary complained, but it is a bitter commentary upon the world that no one would give up a bed for the pregnant woman- and that the Son of God must be born in a stable."

When I read the words "heartbreakingly humble" I think of the janitor that has stayed late at my work to clean my office for minimum wage. I think of the two women who come to my home once a month and with careful detail love me by cleaning my house. The way that they attend to detail is achingly beautiful. In their broken english, these women seek to let me know that they too know this Jesus, they too follow this baby savior king. The way that these people who our culture gives little too, reminds me of the way that Jesus was known to this world. 

I have known and know a few people in this world who so embody the spirit of Jesus Christ that being in their presence is almost overwhelming. They are so kind, so loving, so deeply present that it is almost hard for me to maintain eye contact without tearing up. A pure experience with real love is heartbreaking. We are all starving for it...even if we think that we are not. Even a glimpse of this love is overwhelming. This is why it is to be our goal as Christians to become more and more of a vessel for God's love to pour out through to this world. I have found that my eyes are generally the best place that love comes through. To look at someone and love them as they are is the greatest gift we can give.

I recognize that to many this whole story can seem all too mythical and mystical. After wrestling through the facts, details, and historical backings...I am left enough proof but most overwhelmingly with only the testimony of a gradual getting to know of Jesus that has happened over my life. It has left me with a stunning sense of awe. 

Phillips also talks a few paragraphs about familiarity and what it breeds. The old saying he says "familiarity breeds contempt" is only true if the person you are becoming familiar with "superficial and at heart unreal who let us down when we grow familiar with them. It is then that our previous admiration can turn to contempt."

Conversely, with the best kind of people, the more we know them, the more we grow to love and respect them for who they are. 

And so this is how I feel for this aching moment in history. To imagine it in its fullness, and experience it for its quiet beauty, is the kind of love that God is like. It's different than we expect, but deeper, authentic, more achingly merciful and humble than anything that this world could offer us. And so it is for this reason that my heart bows deeper and deeper in worship of the baby in Bethlehem, Jesus.

Turkey Lurkey

 

Today I am hosting my first Thanksgiving. It's a mixture of family and friends...really...it's all friends who are like family and family. :) That's the way I like to do things.

I looked and looked for the turkey brine recipe that would appeal to me the most and since I always love Rosemary and Sage, I chose this recipe. It also came with rave reviews. 

• 1 gallon vegetable broth
• 1 cup sea salt
• 1 tablespoon crushed dried rosemary
• 1 tablespoon dried sage
• 1 tablespoon dried thyme
• 1 tablespoon dried savory
• 1 gallon ice water

It is currently swimming in my vegetable drawer (I washed it first) in my refridgerator. After trying to come up with a bowl, cooler, or something?? that would fit a turkey and allow him or her to be immersed in this mixture overnight, I came up with this idea due to an online post from one of the reviewers on the allrecipes site. I thought it was a clever idea, since I also wanted to keep the bird refridgerated. 

I'll let you know how it goes...but I'm hoping it'll be awesome. :) 

Christmas Lights

It's the first year I've had a house to decorate. I've ordered some christmas lights over the internet (because what I want isn't in the stores). I have gone for 100 foot strands of clear colored bulbs in red, green, teal, amber, and pink. I like the vintage and sweet look. I think it's going to look great...now they just have to come in the mail. I'm gonna keep it simple with the pretty lights this year...and a wreath on the door. Maybe I'll get a little more creative in years to come. I'm not one for blow up nativities or snow globes..."one thing at a time" has been my mantra with my new house even though I'm prone to wanting to create it all at once. Pacing myself on all purchases has been much more fun anyways. 

I totally dig light looking and do it often throughout Dec. I saw this on a blog that I landed on through another friend's blog...I hope you enjoy this it really made me giggle.

 

Buy Aveda

I just recieved this email and it made me really excited that I buy Aveda Shampoo. In the long list of things I buy that probably do damage to the enviroment and support sweat shops in 3rd world countries...it's nice to know when I shampoo my hair and wash my face...something good has come of it. :) 

Dear KRISTIE,  In every corner of the world, people move mountains. This holiday season, Aveda continues helping people across the globe do just that.  For three years, Aveda has joined hands with families in Nepal to sustain real change. We have helped raise their household income by 318 percent, reduced migration for jobs by 15 percent and sent 4,800 children to school.*

the reason I love this church thing

They climbed the stairs, excited to be together. There was the man who just had surgery to remove cancer from his back who carefully climbed the ramp with his walker. Then the new kindergartener who raced as fast as he could up the stairs to give me an exuberant high five. Two friends laughed and walked up the pathway excited to be together this morning. The college students walked up in groups of 6 or 10 and hesitantly smiled when I greeted them. I stood there with 5 of my Children's Ministry volunteers who bubbled over with gratitude looking out over the ocean and the sun lit up a whole section that looked like gold skimming the surface.

Inside the sanctuary, the band played music that makes you feel totally alive, some clapped, some danced a little, and some stood mouthing the words to the song.

"the king of love is my delight..."

And this is the truth. This King of Love, Jesus, is not at all someone ordinary or predictable. God is taking us by surprise with his way of Love that runs deep.

After the children's sermon, I asked one of the kids to close us in prayer. Sharin volunteered and prayed a prayer that the grownups clapped for. She said:

"Dear Lord thank you for this church you've made for us, I really like it a lot. Amen"

The simplicity and depth of her prayer struck to the core of the child in each of us. Yes, Lord, thank you.

I dismissed the kids and got them settled in their classes, and walked to my office to encounter two friends, one frail with the way chemo therapy makes you look, and the other strong and vibrant. THey smiled the same and said "we're late!" and I said "well better late than never"

The love i encounter by way of this church is only a love that comes from knowing the deepest source of love and that is from Jesus. This redemption that a 5 year old can know, and a 4o year old fighting cancer can join in the clapping along because we're daily coming to know this King of Love...

As we settle into the depth of November and begin to plug in our christmas lights and fill up our calendars, I'm struck with the fact that this is all so magnificent. This King of love...who came in such an unlikely way to be our Savior...a child...Jesus.

I can think of no greater privelege and job in God's kingdom than to share with little kids and adults who their God is and what He is like. I'm too on this discovery journey and the longer I walk this road, the more I discover how wide and deep and complex this beautiful love is. His tender way of calming the storms in my heart and mending me together so that I can live more fully present to be the woman God created me to be.

And it's these people...they're so beautiful...these Malibu Presbyterian Church people...I cry with gratitude that I get to call them my own. We've been through the fire together...and will continue to walk our personal fires together in community...because it's the best way to live.

Advent Invitation: Watch for the Light

I'm always trying to bring meaning to the month before Christmas in a way that goes beyond my 9pm rushed trips to Target for strands of lights or last minute things. I've found that it takes a lot of intentional thinking through my schedule, saying "no" and planning ahead to create space to be mindful of each day during Advent. I want to be focused on the miracle of God being in my midst. I want to be someone who marvels at this amazing truth...that God is dwelling inside of my body due to what happened in Bethelehem one unlikely day. 

Some years ago, a pastor I worked for was using this Advent Devotional to walk through the season reading each day. I quickly ordered it and have found it to be one of my most cherished of Christmas traditions. I want to invite you spend 10 dollars to order this online and get it prior to Thanksgiving when it begins taking us through Advent. This book is packed full of some of the most brilliant contemporary and historical writers, theologians and poets (Merton, Bonhoeffer, Eliot, Yancey, Nouwen, Lewis, Eckhart to name a few). It's a delightful and inspiring devotional. Each day is only 2-3 pages in legnth. 

Please leave me a comment if you plan to buy it! I'd love to know...

Watch for the Light

Malibu Presbyterian Church Homecoming Dance

Well, okay...maybe not a dance but I just couldn't write "Homecoming" and not write "Dance" after it. The High School ASB girl in me couldn't help it.

Yesterday we waited to the down-to-the-wire hour when the city inspectors came through and gave us our certificate of occupancy. At about 2pm it was "go" time to get it all put together for our community open house, which was to begin at 6pm. I had 3 hours to help unpack chairs, set up the nursery, classroom chairs and tables and get home by 5pm to shower and get back through the canyon to greet church members and others who wanted to walk through our new building. Phew! What a sprint! :) 

I know that there is much more to reflect on in the next weeks, and perhaps years, of what this 2 year journey has meant. I have to say that this morning I woke up with a great sense of relief. I hadn't realized how much this season of exile has meant a lot more thinking of logistics and details than life with a church building does.

As our staff gathered yesterday to unwrap and place the sanctuary chairs in their places I felt emotional watching it all go on. It felt significant. It felt like a beginning and a returning.

I looked around and loved the people I've been working with. These friends have been irritated with each other, have loved each other, have struggled through impossible circumstances and found possibilities.

With each chair placed in a row, it all started to feel real.

Here we are again...coming home.

And the good news is that as much as it is a coming home to a physical space, in many ways in these last two years I've found that home isn't anywhere else but within my own body. I have come to learn in a way you only learn through loss that physical spaces don't define us as much as we think they do.

I feel excited though that maybe I can start my Master's Degree now...and come back to enjoying some more things that I didn't have space for in the past. Like I already said, this whole season became normal to me until now I have realized that some of that isn't going to be normal anymore...and I'm pretty grateful for even more freedom in my mind to do the things I love.  

Here is a photo I took with my phone of our new interim sanctuary last night. Our church will meet here until we decide to begin construction on our permanent building. It is likely we'll be in this tent structure for the next several (5ish) years. It's nice to have a space to call home. Someday I'll write an article on organization tips for Children's Directors working in transitional spaces...I think I've found a lot of good solutions over the years that I'm happy to stop using. 

Thanks for your support through this season. It's been fun to share with you all! I'll probably have more time to write here about things like Norah Jones' new album that comes out, things I listen to on NPR, and even places I travel to because...I'll just have a little more time to do these things. Hallelujah.

a little midnight poem

Amber glow

canyon still

and longing

for retreat

quiet stream

turning leaves

a little jazz

•   

freedom

faught for

by coming

home and sitting still

by letting go 

and leaning in

•   

a deep breath

a silent grin

choices now

bring hope within

a retreat

to revive

tender heart 

of mine

•   

O vibrant day

of coming 

back to life

a healing

a growing

a returning

redemption.

relentless, loving

salvation.