MySpace...and Unintentional Teenage Prostitution

I went to a junior/high school girl's sleepover last weekend.  I won't reveal the organization to protect the girls, but I must discuss the issues that I have encountered. Three of the high school girls hung out with me a bit through the night...and we got onto the topic of MySpace.  Before I get into this topic I want to say that all myspace sites are not terrible, I have many friends on it, and I myself for several reasons...have a "myspace".

For those of you who aren't familiar, this is an online database of personal websites that can be linked/networked together by asking someone to be your "friend"...which means their picture and a link to their site exists on your site.

I've grown both entranced and depressed by this cultural phenomenon.  The way I see it, these "pages" are a person's way of saying "this is who I am...this is what I want you to see".  Unfortunately, it seems to double as an unintentional...dare I say...prostitution website.  Just spend 5 minutes browsing MySpace pages and the pictures and your mouth will drop at what both girls and guys are willing to reveal.  Cleavage is modest.

One of the girls had a picture of she and two of her 14 year old friends, sitting like charlie's angel's...but with Big Stick Popsicles in their mouths.  Their eyes were suggestive and inviting.  "Overtly sexual" doesn't pay any sort of homage to the nature of some of these pictures.  It's outright child pornography. Self-produced child pornography.

I found another sophomore in high school that I know, tonguing a girlfriend of hers, the pictures title was "wanna join?".  If I had a quarter for every time she has "playboy" written on her site, I'd have a new pair of designer jeans.  She describes what she'll do and how to contact her. 

I hesitate to sound too much like a female James Dobson...but I must.  This oversexualization of our culture will have a high price to pay.  What kind of vacancy will live in the eyes of these girls once they are college students? The skin of a woman is not supposed to be the feast for the eyes of the entire world wide web. 

Back to the girls at the sleepover. We went online because they were offended that I had viewed their sites and hadn't invited them to be "friends" so we went on to make this rite of passage/friendship happen.  With the girls over my shoulder I looked at their pictures.  I reacted out loud.  I said "oooo why would you have that picture on your site? Do you know how sexual that is? If you knew who was looking at that picture, and what they were thinking you'd wear a burka."  We discussed it.  We looked at their pictures and I said "girls you are so beautiful. Some of your beauty is to show the world.  Then, some of it is a treasure made for a sacred relationship with a man you will marry.  You don't want that to be posted on the internet.  It cheapens the gorgeous sexy girl you are...and you will be enjoyed for.  You want to be the person that decides who sees that...not a search engine."

The girls expressed that they didn't realize how sexual their pictures were, they truly thought that these poses were "cute". And can we blame them?  No! At least one part of them is still naive and child-like. Everything in the hedonist media culture they have been born into suggests an "anything goes...don't be a prude...you are sexual...be!"

Sex is wonderful. Sexiness is beautiful. It is part of being a woman.  Just like everything though...there is a context for which this is expressed in a healthy way.  I cringe as I write this because I see a librarian with a bun on top of her head saying "there is a time, and a place'.  I in no way want to demonize sexuality as so many puritanical movements have done. 

I do think that in our post-modern pluralistic society we have to stand in that gap, in the tension of it all and sort through right and wrong in order to save the selves of boys and girls. 

I remember working at Starbucks when I was 18, and my co-worker told me that she and another barista were going to begin stripping on the weekends for extra money.  They came to work shortly after with designer purses and jewelry accessorizing their black polo, green apron and kacki pants. I noted that these vibrant college graduates soon also wore a vacancy in their eyes.  They were no longer as bright and wondrous, and their designer clothing and accessories had to stand in the place of the beauty that used to exude from their eyes.

I found this expert on one of the sophomore's website that I know:

read me and see why i smile
Current mood: disappointed

What does one do when they have no answers to their questions? What do we do when we feel we have no 1 to talk to even though there are people all around? What do we do when we feel we will never find that person who we can trust with our dreams and fears? What do we do when we feel completely alone, blank?

We smile... and act as if everything is okay, as if we enjoy being here, as if we feel our lives are worth living.

This is the emptiness.  This is what rips my heart out of my chest and causes my myspace induced depression. I hate it.

So, just when I've made you feel like the world has fallen apart at the seams and crawling up in a blanket on your bed is the best remedy...good news! One of the girls, the one with the Popsicle pictures...took the picture off of her site.  Now, her pictures are fun and truly cute pictures of she and her friends enjoying high school life.  It's a small thing I know, but it encourages my heart.  It spurs me on to have more good and open conversation with young men and women about the Internet and myspace and just how they're feeling about that loneliness inside.

Comments

[Steve M]

More people, including parents, need to talk to their kids regarding these issues. Unfortunately, many parents today, ignore and willfully refuse to look at the issues of their children's sexuality. Many parents refuse to discuss this issue. A recent study that came out in this month's pyschology today found that with girls specifically, girls were less likely to contract a sexually transmitted disease while they were in high school if their parents had a disapproving attitude towards free sexuality.

In addition, the media glamorizes the sexuality of young girls and boys. Look at the popular shows...Sex in the City, Desperate Housewives...Look at movies aimed at young girls, ie. mean girls with lindsay Lohan. In there, the popular girl in high school ( a junior) is having sexual relations with her boyfriend de jour in her bedroom and the mother is saying if she can get them anything, condoms...a drink...etc.

With the pervasive effect on the media. Parents need to be unafraid to sit down and talk with their kids. To find out about the party that they are going to. To learn about the friends. Despite the greatest of upbringing, a teenager's peer group still remains the number one influence regarding drugs, sex, and alcohol.

Girls do not just automatically turn from innocent teenage girls into girls that have lost their innocence...It is a slow decline that has miniscule little changes. The bucket gets full one drop at a time. Kristie, you made a good, caring, and strong move telling those girls about the problems with myspace.com. Their parents also must make that move, and continue to make that move everyday. For parents, it is not a one time fix. it is a continuous struggle. It is easy to not fight, and let it go just this once. That is not the path we should take. The path is to struggle against every part of losing our children's innocence. Every picture, and statement at a time. Only then will we succeed in helping our children be the beautiful children that they are.

[KC]

My first encounter with myspace scared me when I began to visit students in our youth groups. The sad thing in all of this I recently heard Chap Clark say that "once we adults start snooping...our kids are just going to find other ways to go under ground." Hi by the way!!! I hear things are going well at church down there!

[Jeni]

So, so true and well said, Kristie (and Steve in comments). Thank goodness these young ladies had someone like you who could give them such a clear, honest, straightforward, and respectful wake-up call.

Even with the change to "fun and truly cute" profile material, though, their very freshness and youthful innocence can be attractive to some of the creeps out there who think of myspace.com and other virtual hangout sites as their own personal candy store. If you have a way of continuing the conversation, please, please spread the word that personally identifying information (e.g., full name, date and place of birth, name of their school, photo of a cheerleader in a uniform with the school's name or mascot on it) can place them in danger of identity theft, abduction, or much, much worse. And detailed information about their personal interests, dating relationships, teachers' names, et cetera provide a wealth of information for a pedophile looking to groom his next victim.

If they wouldn't wear the information printed on a t-shirt for strangers to see, it's not suitable for broadcasting to the world on sites like myspace.com.