It feels like spring outside. The air appears to be changing. I suppose that's normal, but I am hoping for a little bit more of winter. I really enjoy cloudy days. There is something about them that allows a certain mood in me that sunshine really forbids. Sunshine comes with it's own host of moods...but a good rainy day...now that's a treat here in So Cal.
I might move into my house earlier than escrow had planned...as we might close up early. I'm excited. I feel so ready for this new adventure. I frequently drive past my new house and look at it just because. there are all of these beautiful green hills surrounding my house. I can't tell you how excited I am to be surrounded again with nature sounds. My world here in Toluca Lake is lacking sounds of nature...but full of the sounds of the city: the freeway, the alley, the neighbors yelling, news hellicopters making traffic reports. It's pretty loud when I think about it. I always thought I'd want to live in the city, but it seems I like to be a little removed from it...though these last 8 years have been wonderful.
I feel as though I am packing up my 20s. I moved in when I was 20, and now I am moving out at 29. When I moved in my grandma had just died and in many ways it was as if I was moving into her house with many things still in their place. I even kept her bed and furniture for a little while. It was nice stuff. That was weird. That had to change. I would open the drawer and find her bible, her bookmark, it was as if I was laying in her place...very odd. I thought of how she had woken up in that very spot one night having a stroke, and how ordinary that night must have begun, and how strange it is that our lives can end so abruptly. An old friend said that you have to make peace with death at some point and that if you're going to walk through life in ministry, it will stare you in the face at some point and say "look at me. No, really look at me". I've had more experiences than one or two, but I would say living in this house at first was a very odd way of looking death in the eye. You can imagine, that even as I have removed most things that remind me of it being grandma's house...the floors, paint, and furniture are all mine now, it still feels a little like the place she lived. I can see my stuffed animals at the top of the stairs and I still take my shoes off and sometimes dutifully put them where she told me to. It's as if sometimes I am still caught in the rhythms of being over at her house, but just once in a while. And even in moments, when I am just entering the house from a long day: I can smell her. I think it's in the walls or something...but there it will be.
So, I didn't mean to get off on a tangent like that...but I guess it fits. I have been packing up books and journals and candles and frames and it's been rather nostalgic. Even if I've cleaned out certain drawers over the years...it's an odd thing to pack them up and realize this is the end of living here. I'm ready for a fresh start, a new beginning and season.
This Sarah Street house has been full of friends, parties, and great conversations. I have grown up here. It's been really amazing. I remember the first time I made dinner for a boyfriend and called my mom maybe 40 times for directions...now I don't sweat cooking at all. I remember the first week I moved in when my brother drank all of my cranberry juice and I was so upset because I didn't have any money to replace it. It's amazing how life shifts as you grow up...and I look at 20 year olds now and remember the wonder of the age...of embarking on becoming an adult...and all the comraderie that comes with doing it with your peers at roommates and friends. It's once in a lifetime stuff...and I loved it...and hated it...and would not want to go do it again. :) I'd be willing to do the good parts again...but you can't have those without the bad parts...so no thank you.
The new house feels like me. I feel like it's my house. Not my grandma's. Not my mom's. It feels like home. It has since the minute I walked through it for an open house. The last open house before I made an offer was funny because I was feeling like "this is my house, get your stuff out of here!" which was funny...but I think a good sign.
So the paint color selection is coming along. I think I'm getting much closer. The right Taupe is a little pressing to me...but I know I will figure it out. :) I have great friends to be a sounding board...which is very nice.
The air is changing. It appears things are all changing around me...and I rather like it...and embrace it and will look forward to living in my little brown house on the corner between the hills and the 101.
