I'm home tonight, enjoying a beautiful quiet night. My soul feels very quiet and surprisingly melancholy. Could be that I need some sleep...or that there are some deeper losses and sadness that are surfacing a little. I'm alright with a melancholy night.
LJ is here and we're comfy on the couches, candles lit, and listening to my favorite XM radio station: Coffee House. It's nice to have a friend like her that doesn't require a lot of conversation to be comfortable. Rare to find these friends. LJ is my intern this summer...and it's delightful. She stays a my house a few days a week. I look forward to those nights. Tonight we made french toast at 9pm because we weren't hungry at dinnertime. It's a cozy evening. The comfort of being in the room together yet not having to say anything is something I hope to find with my future husband...whoever he is...space to think...but not alone.
I've been thinking a lot about my private and public life. What do I want to share? What do I want to keep private? What is mine to hold dear...between me and God...and what do I want to share to open up space for others to experience freedom and that much needed feeling of "me too!"
There are some things I would like to write about. Things that I think could be very helpful if shared...not really for my benefit...but for others. I am just so cautious...more than I used to be...to share and unfold those things that I find private. I know the sacrifice of sharing...and sometimes it is more of one than others.
I guess I'm just wondering what it is that God wants me to do with some of this that I know I have a lot to say about...but of which I would rather be silent on. Hmmm interesting.
See...now I've just been vague and strange. There's the rub.
Perhaps I'll make up a penn name. That might be just the trick. A blog under a different name...hmmm...
I think that might just work. I'll have to come up with a believable but dreamy name. :)
Or, should it be a really obviously fake name. Perhaps it can be an anonymous blog for many of my writer friends who want to write some bold things and not have their name forever linked to it. Might be a great idea...what do you think?
I just think as I get a little older and more secure in who I am...I don't have as much of a need to share my every thought with the world. I think we are far to public with our lives...and I am probably twittering and updating my status less often with less detail now to have a little more anonymity. Anonymity is totally underrated...I gotta be honest.
Well, that's my rant for the night. Hope you have a lovely Thursday.
Comments