Oh LA, land of the very blatantly broken. I can't imagine that there is one place which is more broken than another...as humanity all finds itself in the same mess...but it certainly seems messier here at times. I think it is the way in which some who live here go about living out their pain, dysfunction and illness that can be so shocking and strange.
Today I took two newbies out for a tour of LA. We drove the 101 to Studio City, had a burger at The Counter, drove over Barham to Hollywood...took Highland to Hollywood, La Brea to Sunset...passed by the Sunset Strip which dumped us off into Beverly Hills. Once they gasped at the opulence of Rodeo Drive we made our way to a Coffee Bean (a SoCal must try) on Beverly for both a tea latte and a pee break. As I was heading into the restroom an older transvestite looked me up and down and said "mmm girl. Where did you get that smile? I wish God had given me a smile like that."
I was experiencing a great amount of peace...and have been as I discover more freedom in my life...all by way of Jesus healing me through a great therapy process. My smile has been very present and free in the last few months...more than ever. I think it's a returning to a childhood smile...a freedom lost for decades now returning.
I said "Oh gosh, you know...God loves me, and he loves you...and that's good enough for me."
My complimentary friend said "Oh He loves you more than me. I'm a bad man and I've done bad things. Karma has been torturing me for years and by the list of things I've done...I have years more of sadness ahead."
I said "well, here's the thing...I know that God forgives you in a way that might even be overwhelming to receive...but it's true."
She/He said "maybe for you...He probably likes you a lot because you've been good. Karma. Karma is the biting me back"
and to this I said "Nope that's actually not true. Jesus is bigger than Karma. Jesus supersedes what we deserve."
And I smiled and headed into the bathroom.
The man dressed as a woman had short hair, face makeup, mascara and some pink lipstick, a very badly stuffed bra (a 7th grader does a better job) and all black t-shirt covered his aging physique.
He came back and told me that his smile drew him in. I knew that it was the Holy Spirit he was drawn to...the only source of true freedom. Nothing I could ever offer could meet someone's deep need...it is God at work...and through me...what a privilege to be a moment of an ability to reflect God's deep and beautiful love.
We talked more and I asked what his name was and he said "my name in disguise is Beverly." Since he was so open with clearly having two identities, I asked him what his "not in disguise" name was. He said "Lawrence, but at 63 years old, I'm tired of being him...Beverly has so much more fun."
He went on telling us about his get rich quick scheme and wanted to know if I would join him in his venture selling perfume to the wealthy. He also told me that he loved the high that some of the perfumes gave you, and I could see that there were other more dangerous highs that likely Lawrence had become addicted to long ago which landed him on the street dressed as a woman. I began setting some boundaries extracting myself from both the conversation and coffee bean store heading to the car with my two young friends.
I laughed inside that here I had brought these two sweet newbie to LA girls from North Carolina to try a Chai Latte and they met Beverly. What a perfect LA experience. Pretty typical.
As we drove away, "Beverly" found his home for the night at a street corner of Beverly and Robertson. It's no coincidence to me that his "disguise name" is Beverly. He waved goodbye with a friendly, loving way about him.
A few things struck me about this interaction. I felt like I'd seen a real window into the pain of this man's soul...and when people show that to you it's generally a gift. People don't always show the core of themselves to you right away...so you must always treat that with love and respect. I mean, there are certainly people who splay their complaints out to everyone...but the kind of confession that Beverly gave to me wasn't something I think he does very regularly. I believe that these little windows in are begging for love. It's our job to give as much love in those moments as possible.
I also thought it was interesting that he was so open about his disguise name and his real identity. I have found that generally transvestites, transsexuals, and transgendered people who have gone through the trouble of changing their identity want to very sincerely have you recognize that identity and name and don't want their former gender noted at all...even if it's pretty blatantly obvious.
We drove away, and I thought about Lawrence. I believe that he has done a lot of bad things. There was something about the way he said it that scared me a little.
Karma's an interesting theology to hold. Karma denies grace. Karma doesn't account for Jesus on the cross. I certainly think that there are actions connected to reactions. I also believe that you reap what you sow to some extent. However, I don't think that our lives are all based on a good and bad bank account which we experience the result of our negative or positive choices.
Forgiveness is counter to the principles of Karma. The cross denies this system of it's power of poison and blankets it with grace.
Because the thing is, I think what I said is true...I think that God loves Lawrence very much...and always has. I believe in a God who's love is so much deeper than my own that I can't fathom a forgiveness that supersedes what we can offer to each other on earth. This is what LOVE is like.
